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Carolina Jumps on the Festivus Bandwagon

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The University of North Carolina at the People’s Republic of Chapel Hill announced they would hold their first-ever Spring Football Festivus Saturday, April 8, at Kenan Stadium. Carolina ’s Associate Athletic Director for Marketing and Promotions Norwood Teague made the Festivus announcement while in Richmond interviewing for the position of Athletic Director at VCU.

Teague said the Carolina Festivus had been modeled after the highly-successful one in Hooville. He noted that the Hoos had drawn a record attendance last year of five thousand, give or take four thousand. “Naturally,” said Teague, “we probably won’t be able to pack in those kinds of numbers, given the terrific fan support enjoyed by the Hoos, but we are hoping for few hundred.” He added that the Carolina Festivus would have the advantage of “being able to figure out a day to hold it and sticking with it.”

Teague also expressed great interest in the VCU job. When asked if it would be a big difference going to a school with no football program, Teague replied, “To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t notice any difference.”

Returning to the Festivus, Teague noted that there would be a number of activities designed to appeal to Carolina football fans. Kids from the second through eighth grades would be able to attend the Tar Heel Jihad Experience, where they would listen to readings from the Quran, learn to shout anti-American slogans and practice blowing up themselves and American soldiers. Available for college students would be the Essuvee Rodeo held in the Pit. Teague noted that no special equipment would be required, although he did recommend that participants wear good running shoes.

Over in Durham , Duke announced that their football Spring Game, scheduled for Saturday, April 22 at Wallace Wade Stadium, had been cancelled. Duke Athletic Director ‘Lackey’ Joe Alleva cited as one reason for cancellation a complete and utter lack of interest in Duke football. Like Carolina , Duke had hoped to spur interest and attendance through other activities, but Lackey Joe said that, unfortunately, exotic dancers scheduled to perform would be unable to attend.

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