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Hoos Move Festivus AGAIN

A-Line Extra.

In response to fan feedback and widespread Internet ridicule, the Hoos announced that the Hoo Spring Football Festivus had been moved back to Saturday, April 22.

Hunter Hooracek, Hoo Associate Athletic Director for Getting People Interested in Football, said that tens of thousands of Hoo fans had demanded that the Festivus be moved back to its traditional Saturday afternoon time rather than the Friday night that had been announced earlier. “Tens of thousands,” exclaimed Hooracek, “Would you believe it?” Informed by skeptical media, “I find that hard to believe,” Hooracek said, “Would you believe five hundred?” With the answer again, “No,” Hooracek asked, “How about we didn’t want to have to pay overtime for Sally’s descendents to stay so late cleaning the place up?”

The two-hour Festivus will be presented at the North gate of the Smithsonian two hours before the 3:30 kickoff of the game. According to Hooracek, this would give fans plenty of time to make dinner at the country club, adding, “They won’t even have to wait until halftime to leave.”

Hooracek said there would be a variety of activities for kids at this year’s Festivus, including decorating the Festivus Pole, painting the correct logo on midfield of the Smithsonian, playing with mascot Wally Wahoo, trying to catch the Tech running back and lessons on sobering Daddy up for the drive home. There will also be a children’s performance by the Prancing Hoo band, consisting of its normal halftime show.

Participation in the Festivus will not be limited to children. Adult Hoos can participate in a football combine, receiving instruction from real Hoo players in how to muff a punt and cheap shot an opponent. Hooracek concluded by saying, “Golly gee, this is going to be great fun. I invite all Hoo fans to attend,” adding, “Please?” then adding, “Pretty please?”

Hoo Head Football Coach and Great NFL Legend algroh said that certain Festivus activities would be eliminated this year. Citing the small numbers of Hoo players who elected to participate in off-season strength training, the Festivus Feats of Strength would not be held. The Airing of Grievances was also cancelled, with algroh saying, “It shouldn’t be too hard to figure that one out.”

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