The A-Line It is what it is, unless it is not
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Well, I’m back again, if only for a while. External circumstances that included a rather remarkable display of maternal affection caused me, at the last moment, to postpone my surgery. I will now have my throat cut on May 16 unless I do not, although surgical quack, not exactly thrilled with my decision to postpone, tells me I had darn well not put it off again. This is no doubt due to his fervent desire to receive from my insurance company the ‘amount due at lease signing’ for that new SL.

Among the things the delay has given me, along with everything else I’m told I will no longer be able to busy myself for a time following the disposal of that extra bit of ‘material’ that is growing out of a Parotid gland, is only enough time for quick glances around the area sports scene.

Before getting into that, I would like to express my sincere appreciation to all kind enough to offer best wishes. I was inundated with positive e-mail, a volume that made it quickly apparent that I would not be able to respond to them all, or very many. I still value them and thank everyone that sent them.

Things have been just a bit hectic around here. Included was a series of adventures that involved much running around. There was a period of time when I found myself taking my mother to the Duke University Medical Center on a Tuesday morning, largely out of desperation, returning that night, taking the Teacher to the Danville Regional Medical Center Wednesday morning in order for her to discover what happens when the advice of her orthopedic quack about staying off a leg broken in two places was ignored, dashing back down to Duke to conference with my mother’s quacks and approve of treatment, making it back to Danville in time for the Teacher to get out of surgical recovery, buy my original quack a few martinis that night in appreciation for his putting the ‘early’ into early detection, then, over an eight-hour span on Thursday, getting both my mother and the Teacher transported from their respective hospital rooms in medical facilities 52.7 miles apart to their abodes as well as making it to a pre-surgical conference with my own neck quack. The elements of slapstick, farce and run-on sentences abundant in all of that will be expounded on one of these days.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, sports. Rust never sleeps and I haven’t gotten much recently; I am not so sure about State AD Lee Fowler. There are acne-covered high school males whose sex lives could be the envy of Hugh Hefner compared to how many times ole Lee gets told ‘No.’

I must confess that this is my fault. Due to my recent schedule, I was unable to respond to the frantic e-mails and phone calls I received from Lee requesting my assistance in locating the Pack a new basketball coach. Unfortunately, I had to leave him to his own devices. We have seen how that went. Sorry about that.

Plan G, or H, I, J, or K [only Fowler and Bobby Purcell know for sure], seems to center on former State guard Sidney Lowe. He is certainly the most unique candidate to emerge in that he expresses what seems to be interest in actually taking the job. This is in stark contrast to most everybody else either contacted by Fowler or floated in one of Lee’s trial balloons. There were observation balloons that lasted longer over the Western Front in 1915 than did that Phil Ford one. The line had to be drawn somewhere and it would seem that no coach would be preferable to having the State team attired in those hideous cast-off Alexander Julian-designed uniforms worn by the Carolina team a few years back.

If Fowler, through process of elimination, determines that Lowe is the guy he wanted all along and he was just stringing along those other 18-20 coaches he begged to take the job, there is the little matter of Sid’s education level. He doesn’t seem to have the four-year degree required for the job.

Not to worry, said Lowe. Anticipating that enough people would spurn the State job that Fowler would finally have to throw up his hands and offer it to him, Lowe claims to have sent off for a mail-order college degree from those offered by Acme University on matchbooks. It should arrive any day now.

The prospect of a guy with no experience for the job whatsoever no doubt strikes terror into the hearts of RTP coaching legends Coach K and Ol’ Roy. As Lowe finishes the job of wrecking the proud State basketball program begun so effectively by the Loonpack, they can rest easy in the knowledge that they can finish their careers going at each other tooth and nail with minimum interference from what is now the Triangle’s football school.

Well, kind of a football school. The recently-held NFL draft indicated that there was quite a bit of top-shelf talent on last year’s State football team. Chuckie is certainly to be congratulated for achieving that remarkable 7-5 record with such elite players. It would seem that algroh is not the only ACC coach capable of accomplishing less with more.

I did happen to get an up-close-and-personal look at that vaunted State defensive line early last September. They were last seen in the Fourth Quarter being pushed around by the Tech offensive one as Frank Beamer engaged in one of his favorite activities, killing the clock with a lead by turning the game over to his line and running game. One might deduce that State either had no depth at defensive line, which certainly augers well for this season, or that it was on hand and the coaches simply did not know how to use it. That would ignore, of course, that Chuckie is considered the ‘good’ coach by very vocal chunks of State fans; 12-11 over the last two seasons is considered much better in Wuff World than winning 20 every year in basketball and consistently making the NCAA tournament. Maybe Herb should have attired himself in clown shoes and cheap sunglasses, as that seems to have a more positive effect on the Loonpack than consistent success.

Scanning draft results also informed me that a record nine members of the Virginia Tech team were chosen by NFL outfits. That total does not include Tech’s former quarterback, who will be making a stopover in Miami en route to CFL or World League riches, or maybe even fame and fortune in the Arena league.

None of Tech’s draftees went nearly as high as did State’s or the latest escapees from Hooville, although it would seem to offer ample evidence of the difference between having a team and building a program. That is a concept they seem to have great difficulty in grasping at Mr. Jefferson’s University.

There is a little more to this whole football thing than simply proclaiming oneself a great NFL legend and announcing that mere ACC titles would not be enough and that Music City ones would be considered the standard of excellence. There needs to be a little substance behind all of that bluster. Kai Parham and Ahmad the Great became the most recent Linebacker U refugees to discover that perhaps algroh does not quite back up all of that braggadocio.

Before getting back to my caretaker duties and determining exactly how upcoming surgery is going to fit into the general scheme of things, there is one more little item that needs to be touched upon. The destruction of the State basketball program can be laid entirely at the feet of the State message board loons and radio call-in howler monkeys. The lesson to be drawn will be lost on those who most need it, the clowns who spew their message board bile, invariably on free ones, demanding the right to post their nonsense as long as someone else is footing the bill. If anyone is still wondering exactly why an excellent site devoted to Virginia Tech athletics has so much trouble gaining program access, take a look at the situation at NC State. There is a certain athletic director who will be pointing to it for a long time.

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