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algroh has a plan

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Virginia Head Football Coach and Great NFL Legend algroh spoke with reporters yesterday concerning his disappearing recruiting class. Fully one-third of algroh’s 2006 signees have failed to gain admission to Mr. Jefferson’s academical village, eight players out of the twenty-four man class.

While some might consider this a problem, not algroh. Speaking with reporters at the ACC’s preseason football gathering at Ponte Verde Beach , Florida , algroh said that a third of his class not qualifying “followed a plan.” While observers wondered exactly what sort of plan would call for recruiting guys who could not gain admission to Hooville’s famed Anthropology program, algroh elaborated:

In recruiting, explained the grand chessmaster, the Hoos seek out “the right guys for Hooville, the right guys for how we want to put a team together, the right guys for the personality of this institution, the right guys for the academic standards of this institution. Then, for the most part, we ignore them and recruit other people.”

algroh continued his explanation by claiming that about half of those denied admission would attend prep school for a year, then sign again with the hoos. “You see,” said algroh, “this way we keep recruiting the same guys year after year. It’s how we always have those great recruiting classes and always seem to stay young and rebuilding. You don’t get to be a great NFL legend unless you can figure these things out.”

algroh added that his ability to keep his recruiting classes ranked high by recruiting the same players year after year was the centerpiece of his grand plan. “You see,” he elaborated, “nobody pays any attention to anything but who you sign, not how often you sign them. That’s the secret to great recruiting, and that’s all anybody cares about. Why, you take a look at any Hoo message board. You won’t see a word about Beamer creaming me 52-14 or half the staff leaving Hooville at a dead run or any of the guys thrown off the team. Nope, all they are talking about is my great recruiting and how it didn’t matter that Beamer got that tie-rod, or universal joint, or whoever that quarterback was, I still have the best class. That’s all they care about, that and leaving in the Third Quarter. I’ve got a plan, I tell you. I’m smart.

While this year’s academic failures continued the trend established by algroh of every year recruiting players who did not qualify, Hoo Athletic Director Craig ‘I bet Tubby has this problem, too’ Littlepage said, “I tend to think this trend is not the start of a trend, more like the continuation of one” Little Craig added that he did not regard what seemed an unusual number of admissions failures as anything special. “It didn’t prompt any discussions, because, let’s face it, this is algroh we’re talking about here.” The Hoo AD concluded by saying he planned to take the money saved from the scholarships and apply it to the unpaid balance on the new basketball arena, adding, “Heck, if algroh is going to get pounded by Beamer every year we might as well spend that money where it might do some good.”

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