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Malaise and Eggs

Well, Week 3 of the football season was certainly an interesting one. Whether it was yet another thrashing inflicted by Virginia Tech on the football-challenged RTP, the Clubhouse Tailgate reaching new lows in its unflagging pursuit of questionable taste, shrill outrage coming from the Triangle over the offending of delicate Duke football sensibilities, or the ACC’s resident Great NFL Legend leaping from his rocker to discuss the questionable value of a nutritious breakfast, dull moments were few and far between.

One would have been hard-pressed to find any at the Clubhouse Tailgate. There was the answer to a burning question: Exactly what can the Alderson boys come up with when discussing, while driving up Rte 86 on a Sunday morning from Blue Heaven to Danville , what manner of gift to give leader of the Clubhouse pack Larry for the celebration of his seminal fiftieth birthday? That question has most definitely been answered. Let that be a lesson to anyone considering announcing the date of his birth when I am within earshot.

As for the game, Tech administered its usual and annual beating of Duke. Once again, it was demonstrated to the boys over at the DBR that, despite their confident claims to the contrary, Virginia Tech is a heck of a lot closer to the Devils in basketball than they are to Tech in football. The Hokies have spent the last two weeks engaging a couple of bad football teams.

There was the pair of unfortunate incidents involving Aaron Rouse. There is little that can be offered in the way of explanation, only apology, as Aaron did immediately following the final gun as he sought out both Lewis and Duke coach Ted Roof to apologize. In the heat of football battle, these things sometimes happen. Ted Roof is certainly to be lauded for taking a very high road concerning the situation.

Who are not to be lauded are some of those hacks that can only be judged as ill-informed. The Durham paper displays all the journalistic and writing skills of the Weekly Reader while the good old N&O has absolutely no aptitude for unbiased reporting in their sensationalism-driven rag and even less in acquiring any.

On a more amusing note, the Clubhouse Tailgate had barely begun tearing into the postgame Caribbean Jerk Chicken when word came that the Hoos had managed to lose to a Directional Michigan. Well, the Jets lost, too. News of the Great NFL Legend’s latest coaching masterpiece sent us scrambling to the nearest radio in order to hear the Hoo Sports and Comedy Network. They certainly did not fail to disappoint.

The Hoo Sports and Comedy Network does not seem to have a Deems May spending games getting drunk, although it can be expected that Mac McDonald and Frank Quayle would certainly have loved to be at the Four Corners or Corner pounding down multiple adult beverages. Instead we got algroh. It was enough.

Tailgaters were rolling around the RV lot in hysterical laughter as the Grand Chessmaster explained that he pays no attention whatsoever to the action, or lack of, on the field. That was a confirmation of what has been suspected for some time.

That would seem to be left to boygroh, who continues to demonstrate why no one other than Daddy would hire him. Communication between father and son would seem to be a bit lacking. So would the development of a quarterback, supposedly the province of boygroh.

The elder of this daddy-boygroh coaching dynamic duo then explained that while boygroh had proven utterly incapable of unearthing a competent quarterback from the three that have been tried, there would not be a fourth to head out and throw interceptions. That would, said algroh, be indicative of a “ham and eggs” operation. I guess we now know what wasn’t served for breakfast when the Hoo coaches gathered on Sunday morning for film-burning.

The cholesterol-free Hoos will now head to Georgia Tech enveloped in what algroh termed a “malaise.” Hoo fans marvel that there will only be nine more guaranteed years of the Malaise and Blue in such expert hands.

A football column would not be complete without the latest from the Triangle’s triangle of teams. While Tech fans were able to observe the Italian Navy nature of the Duke program, it was left to State and Carolina to prove it on the field.

In his sixth year, it would seem that Big John Bunting has finally been able to field a competitive I-AA team. Time for more raises, DickieB. The Tar Heels’ narrow win over Furman did enable the Triangle Three to finish the I-AA portion of their collective schedules with a winning record, 2-1. It was touch and go there for a while.

DickieB did come up with a way to prevent the harmful effects to the ozone of yet another Aluminum Out game. Look for the environmentally-conscious Carolina to now schedule most home games at night. More noon television games are not likely to present a problem.

Chuckie took his squad of academicians to Southern Miss. Unfortunately for the Wolfpack, the game was football rather than Klassroom Kwiz. The Pack didn’t fare so well. Darn those Prop 48s, eh, Chuckie? By cracky. Jeff Bower should be forced to only recruit form the hallowed academic halls of Florida so the playing field would level out a bit.

Around the rest of the ACC, the Li’l E certainly laid the wood to the ACC everywhere south of UConn. Good job, Fridge! Who needs Vanderlinden’s recruits anyway? While I would certainly not presume to question the outstanding football pedigree of Ralph Friedgen, I would perhaps offer a smidgen of advice: the next time a top running back from in-state begs to be given a scholarship, you might want to at least return the call.

In Kentucky , the Canes managed to embarrass both themselves and all of the Experts that idiotically picked them. Uncle Fester is likely to discover very soon that an angry Dwarf Dyke of Miami is a firing one. Getting pounded by their replacement is perhaps not what Donna and Jan the Man had in mind when they escaped the Big East.

This year’s Bowden Bowl demonstrated, again, that the ungrateful son Tommy is getting to be quite an annoyance to the Old Man. Maybe you can talk Clem into trading Jeff for Tommy, Bobby. Fredo continues to win games by the skin of his teeth.

At the end of the First Quarter of this year’s football season, only Fredo, Wake and Tech can still count themselves as undefeated in the ACC. None are likely to stay that way for more than a few more weeks because none appears to be all THAT good, although the Tech does appear to have the potential to grow into something decent.

In the meantime, we will continue to enjoy both the games and algroh’s Malaize and Eggs [that takes care of breakfast for the Cincy game]. Larry, of course, also has a companion with whom to while away those long nights spent in the Clubhouse. Be advised, Larry, that she is the Deluxe model. The Clubhouse Tailgate strives for nothing but the best.

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