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‘I’m Just Butch’

A-Line Extra

Butch Davis delighted the crowd gathered for her presentation as the new North Carolina football coach by announcing that she was a lesbian. “I’m just Butch” she exclaimed to the wildly-cheering diverse crowd gathered for the announcement at The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Center at the University of North Carolina at the People’s Republic of Chapel Hill.

In making the dramatic announcement that she was a woman, and a lesbian, Davis acknowledged the rumors about her sexuality that had hounded her for years. She also connected with the crowd at the LGBTQ Center by claiming victim status, recounting years of verbal taunts, mostly by her own fans.

A hushed silence came over the gathering when Davis described abuse heaped on her by fans in Cleveland . “I can’t begin to tell you how many times I heard, ‘Butch, you faggot’ from insensitive Browns fans,” a tearful Butch quietly told the assembly. “Who could be expected to win games in such a hostile and homophobic atmosphere? Then there were all of the insinuations at Miami that I was Frank Beamer’s bitch. It gets to a girl after a while.”

Davis claimed that it had been the intolerable anti-gay attitudes in Cleveland that had driven her from the job rather than all the losses. She said that she had vowed that if she ever got back into coaching, it would be at a place renowned for its acceptance of alternative lifestyles.

“The criteria of Carolina fit perfectly,” Butch told the excited throng. “No place says welcome to a lesbian like the University of North Carolina at the People’s Republic of Chapel Hill . This is exactly where I want to be.”

Davis also moved quickly to reach out to other Carolina groups. “I’m not only a lesbian, but an Indian,” she announced, adding, “There’s nothing I like better than to relax after games by sitting around the campfire passing the peace pipe. I look forward to some solid relaxation around a burning car the next time Ol’ Roy beats that right-wing homophobe Coach K.”

In honor of Butch’s hiring, The Foundation for Diversity at the People’s Republic of Chapel Hill announced plans for yet another Gay Pride parade down Franklin Street . The parade’s theme would be, ‘I’m Just Butch.’

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