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algroh: We Achieved!

A-Line Extra

Hoo football coach and Great NFL Legend algroh met Wednesday with Roanoke Times sportswriter Doug Doughty. They met at the Boar’s Head Inn. As algroh put his favorite song on the jukebox, Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ and glanced over as Hoo Athletic Director Craig ‘Tubby, it just goes on and on with this guy’ Littlepage left the bar and went to the men’s room, he and Doughty kicked back over an order of onion rings.

algroh reported that he had just returned from Wyoming, where he had been invited to go by a Hoo alum. “Wyoming was great. I got to make a side trip to Boise and check out that blue field. I love Christmas in Boise.” Much to the dismay of the Hoo Archipelago, algroh had decided not to stay in Wyoming but had elected to return to Hooville.

After checking to make sure his wine glass was half full, algroh proudly pointed to his 5-7 record last year, calling it an outstanding achievement. The Great NFL Legend noted that in his sixth year he had managed to construct a team that had no wide receivers, no running back and an inexperienced quarterback. “We lost seven games,” bragged algroh, pointing out, “we could have lost nine.” As the Hoo SID staff quickly sprang into action to get ‘We Could Have Lost Nine’ on the cover of this year’s media guide, algroh continued to laud the accomplishments of last year’s 5-7 team.

algroh claimed to have heard little negative response to last year’s losing season. “There were mostly questions,” he said, such as ‘Doesn’t this guy know what he is doing?’ ‘What kind of clown do we have running our program?’ and ‘We got rid of George for this?’ algroh noted that he had been invited to go to Wyoming and “think about it.”

After thinking about it, “I felt that last year’s team achieved the second-most of the six teams we’ve had here,” crowed algroh. The Great NFL Legend claimed his greatest achievement had been in 2002, the year algroh had taken a team loaded with upperclassman NFL talent left by George and managed to lose five games. “You think just any coach could take that many future NFL players and lose five games with them?” bragged algroh.

Asked for a response to reports that a prominent sports magazine had designated him the worst coach in the country, algroh scoffed. “How can I named the worst coach when Chuckie is around? Give me a break. Thanks to my excellent recruiting, we had nothing last year but we still beat him. He what? Well, how about Big John? Boy, is that guy a dud. All those years in the NFL and he never once got to be a head coach for a year and have a team quit on him and become a Great NFL Legend like me. Huh? When did that happen? He told me at midfield before our game last year that DickieB had said his job was safe. What do you mean losing to me was the last straw?”

algroh pointed out that he paid no attention to what was said or written about him in the media, since they were all a bunch of jackals who didn’t like him and were all out to get him. The Great NFL Legend said that instead, he judged his job performance by the comments of his peers. “Let me tell you. I heard Frank Beamer speak to the VHSL coach’s convention last week. They told me my invitation to speak must have been lost in the mail. I had been invited by another Hoo alum to go to Siberia but decided that boygroh got just too cranky on those long plane rides so I decided instead to go hear Frank speak. He said that he thought I was a great coach and he hoped I stayed in Hooville for many years. How about them apples? Worst coach my eye.”

algroh cut short the interview when he glanced up and noticed Carl Smith coming through the door.

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