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Tomer Loses

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One of the most vicious and mean-spirited campaigns in the history of Danville politics ended Tuesday with the re-election of Incumbent Republican businessman Danny Marshall to his seat in the 14th District of the Virginia House of Delegates. Marshall held off a strong challenge mounted by Twenty-something unemployed slacker Adam Tomer.

Tomer, the only candidate for statewide office who had proven unable to hold any job, even one at Wal-Mart, had successfully run for Danville City Council a year earlier. He had based his campaign on rolling back the high utility rates of Danville’s failed attempt at socialism, it’s highly inefficient and expensive government-run system. He had utterly failed in this campaign promise, largely due to his practice of rarely showing up for Council meetings.

Tomer had mounted a two-pronged challenge to Marshall. One was his ‘Promise Them Anything’ platform of vowing to ‘Spend, spend and spend’ on any manner of government handout imaginable. When asked how he would finance the doubling and tripling of state government required for all of his big governmental largesse, Tomer said he saw no reason whatsoever to raise taxes, since he would pay for things by simply plucking money from the limbs of trees growing around Capital Square.

The second facet of Tomer’s campaign featured one of the most negative campaigns ever seen anywhere. Tomer claimed that Marshall ‘hated old people’ and had a secret plan to use his position in the Virginia General Assembly to end the federal Social Security program and then have troops from the Virginia National Guard forcibly remove the elderly from their homes and force them to live in nursing homes.

The Tomer campaign had drawn much support and cash from the state Democratic machine. Current and former governors Tim Kaine and Mark Warner had repeatedly come to Danville to campaign for the welfare state Democrat. When asked how he could possibly support a classless boob like Adam Tomer, Gov. Kaine had replied, “He’s a Democrat, which is all that matters. Besides, since he never shows up, I won’t have to deal with the clown.”

As Tomer’s campaign got nastier, both sides utilized imaginative attempts to garner support. The local chapter of the Virginia Tech Alumni Association was marshaled in support of Marshall. Tomer attempted to counter the ‘Hokies for Marshall’ with his own supporters, but ‘Dropouts for Tomer’ failed to counteract the large Tech alumni base in the area.

During his concession speech, Tomer vowed to “run again,” claiming, “after all, it beats holding a job or showing up for City Council meetings.”

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