FSU Sets Record

A-Line Extra: FSU Sets Record 02/15/08

Florida State University placed all of its athletic teams on a self-imposed two-year probation due to the recent academic cheating scandal. Having all seventeen of its sports teams on probation at one time, every last one of them, was believed to be a record.

FSU hoped that the self-imposed probation, which would involve the loss of up to 30 per cent of its athletics scholarships, would stave off more serious sanctions that might be imposed by the NCAA, which is investigating the scandal. It remains to be seen whether the NCAA will be placated, or amused, by the self-serving ploy.

Fired former Florida State Athletics Director Dave Hart took personal credit for the amazing accomplishment. “Every single one of them,” boasted Hart, adding, “Most any run-of-the-mill AD can get their football or basketball teams on probation, but I managed to get every team. It’s not everybody that can get their volleyball team slapped on probation.” The unemployed Hart said that he hoped getting an entire athletic department placed on probation would make him an attractive candidate to SEC schools.

Reached at his home where he was leafing through nursing home brochures and making phone calls trying to find work for his unemployed sons, FSU football coach Bobby Bowden said, “I don’t see what any of this has to do with me.”