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2008
18
Sep

algroh the Dad

A-Line Extra

Hoo head football coach algroh said that while he continued to work very hard, he still found opportunities to spend quality time with boygroh.

The Great NFL Legend said that over the last 2 ½ days, “I’d calculate that I have spent, hmmm, zero minus zero is zero, nothing to carry, sixty minus thirty is, uh…, uh…, Poindexter, where’s my calculator? Well find somebody that knows, and while you’re at it, make sure that judge gets a better luxury box. Let’s see, uh, 1-2-3-4-5 fingers on one hand plus one from the other is six, take out one, then back to the first, 4-3, plus the zero, uh, uh, THIRTY, that’s it. I’ve spent thirty hours watching every player on every play on offense, defense and special teams. I bet Beamer doesn’t do that.”

As sportswriters marveled that algroh’s grasp of the mathematical calculations involved in subtracting thirty from sixty seemed much greater than his ability to get his arms around the 17-97 differential by which his Hoos have been out-scored by BCS teams, the Great NFL Legend continued.

Again hoping that if he droned on long enough, people would eventually forget his team’s latest loss and record, algroh said, “I guess we’ve had one disappointing loss to a I-A team and one disappointing loss to a team that’s on another level of college football, it looks like. I’m not too pleased with the performance we’re getting, so obviously … it’s clearly a time to go to work and assess your circumstances, unless you are one of those rare teams ” that actually wins games, or at least comes close. “The first three games have probably pointed out some flaws on your team that you’ve been waiting to go to work on. This is clearly a continue-to-push-forward week for us, blah blah. ”

As sportswriter Norm Wood of the Daily Press struggled to stay awake by gulping down cup after cup of coffee and energy drinks, algroh continued. “We’re going to have plenty of practice work and give ourselves the opportunity to improve, but we’re also trying to keep the long stretch in mind, too. We want to make sure that, let’s say the work accomplishes its purposes in the short term and start making some progress in some areas, yada yada..”

Unable to take it any longer, Wood dozed off, his head slumping forward. He came awake and sat bolt upright as algroh hit him with last year’s Coach of the Year, trophy. “Hey, wake up, you’re just like Magical Bob at the staff meetings.”

algroh then confided that while he was working night and day to get the Hoos within at least three touchdowns of the opposition, he still found time for boygroh. The Great NFL Legend related that he had started making “some progress” in teaching boygroh how to seesaw. The proud algroh said “We have made progress in trying to balance the seesaw and get plenty of work in.”

algroh concluded by saying that while he would try to find some players that we hope can help us in the latter part of the season,” he didn’t want to overdo it. He vowed to continue to carve out time to play with boygroh, since, if he spent a lot of time with his players, “it’s counterproductive.”

Hoo AD Craig ‘Tubby, at least Beamer has sense enough not to put his kid on the staff’ Littlepage, when asked about algroh spending time teaching boygroh to seesaw rather than working with his players, responded with, “How many years will THAT take?”

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