Hoos demanding a ‘big name’ basketball hire, this time, for its oft-vacant head coaching position, were thrilled when Hoo AD Craig ‘Sing to me, Tubby’ Littlepage announced that he had hired Tony Bennett as the new Hoo coach.
Littlepage in 2005 attempted to hire Tubby Smith and four years later was still trying, quite impressed with Tubby’s rendition of ‘Maybe This Time.’ Finally tired of Tubby’s claim of ‘I Wanna Be Around’ Minnesota, the Hoo AD decided to look at different acts.
“This is as big a name as it gets,” explained Littlepage. “How many #1 hits does Jeff Capel have? Ol’ Roy and Coach K might be guitar heroes, but look what I got!”
Littlepage described Bennett as an “outstanding hire” adding, “I really go for his music. ‘I Left My Heart in San Francisco’, man, I dig that song. Maybe algroh will luck into enough wins this year to get us to the Nut Bowl.”
Littlepage added that he did have ulterior motives in hiring Bennett. “Let’s face it,”the Hoo AD explained, “We’re not drawing flies for basketball, not enough to cover the nut on the John. That’s why we’re staging all of those concerts and wrestling matches. Tony can give us a few shows during the year and I won’t have to pay extra for them. Am I a shrewd AD or what?”
When informed that this Tony Bennett was a basketball coach and not the famous singer, Littlepage croaked, “Huh?”
Told that he had actually hired a coach whose coaching experience consisted mostly of working for his father, Little page seemed stunned. “You mean I’ve hired another boygroh?” wailed the Hoo AD, adding, “Oh, sh#%, Carl is going to have my a&*.” Littlepage then cut short his press conference, striding away humming, ‘Put On A Happy Face.’