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A-Line Extra: The Confusion Chop

Florida State President T. K. Wetherell pronounced that he was “confused” over NCAA interpretations of penalties due from FSU’s latest scandal, this one involving academics. The NCAA had placed Florida State on probation due to the cheating scandal involving 61 Noles in 10 sports. Wetherell’s ‘confusion’ stemmed from the NCAA ordering the school to vacate victories in which the ineligible athletes participated.

While Wetherell claimed to have no problem with Florida State receiving the usual NCAA slap on the wrist given to schools that generate large amounts of television revenue, he objected to the forfeiture of wins, especially football ones. “Whoa,” demanded Wetherell, adding, “football wins? At Florida State? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” These remarks were in line with previous comments by the FSU president after prior FSU athletics scandals. They included Wetherell’s asking after the gambling scandal, “Did they win?” and exclaiming after the shoplifting one, “I wear a 40 long.”

Wetherell claimed his ‘confusion’ stemmed from the use of the word ‘ineligible’ by the NCAA in regards to ineligible players. “I think we’re going to have to have a conversation with the NCAA to find out what exactly they mean by inelgible players,” said the school president. Wetherell continued by asking, “Define ineligible. Does players being ineligible mean they were ineligible or that they were ineligible? The more I listened, the more confused I got, especially when they started talking football.”

Wetherell said he would never knowingly sanction the use of ineligible players at his scandal-ridden school unless he did. He added, “I sure didn’t see any from where I usually observe the shenangians in our program, on the sidelines with my head buried in sand.”

Wetherell claimed that it wasn’t right to take victories away from football coach Bobby Bowden unless an equal number would be taken away from Joe Paterno of Penn State. “Coach Bowden had nothing to do with this,” said Wetherell, adding that oversight of the football program was not the responsibility of the football coach, or, apparently, anybody else at Florida State.

Wetherell said that Florida State had hired a consulting firm that specializes in assisting crooked athletics programs beat NCAA sanctions to overturn any order that football victories be vacated. Wetherell concluded his remarks by saying, “If we have to, we might give up a few track wins, or volleyball, or whatever else it is we play around here that nobody cares about. But football? No way.”

1 Comment

  1. hokieg — March 10, 2009 #

    ha ha….F$U. couldn’t happen to a better bunch.


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