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2009
25
Mar

Glancing Around

The respite between rounds of the NCAA Tournament does afford the opportunity to take a look at the sporting life goings-on around the rest of the region. From Hooville to Lynchburg to the land of sand, scrub pines and Strawgraspers, there is humor to be gleaned.

Finding low comedy from Hooville might seem like RUTS, since there always seems to be hilarity to be found from TommyJ’s Jeffersons. george-jeffersonAfter all, the Hoo Football Festivus is right around the corner. Maybe they will have a basketball coach by then.

The trials and tribulations of Hoo AD Craig ‘Tubby, you’ve got me on my knees, Tubby, I’m begging darling please. Tubby, won’t you ease my worried mind’ Littlepage continue. Fresh off his leitaoing of Fallback Dave and his continual bleats of ‘Hey, I’m a great AD. We win in all sports but two,’ Craig once again attempts to con entice somebody into taking what should be an outstanding job. The various stories popping up in the state declaring that Craig had better close the Tubby deal this time, or else, probably aren’t doing much for his state of mind.

It would seem there are some Fat Hoos who are aware that the amounts of cash involved in dumping the Great NFL Legend next year will finally fall within range of Carl’s Losing Coach Buyout Fund. algoneCarl’s cash has taken a bit of a hit recently from the twin whammies of the stock market decline and the long green required for the leitaoing of Fallback Dave. It can be expected that to augment Carl’s shrinking net worth Craig will be manning a dunking booth at this year’s Festivus, giving Hoos a chance to plunk down some coins in order to get a shot at expressing their feelings about Craig’s job performance.

It would seem that if Craig can’t seem to hire a decent basketball coach, despite what is turning into multiple do-overs, how can he be expected to handle the really important job of finding somebody willing to tangle with Frank on an intimate in-state basis? Digging up a basketball coach that will satisfy all of those Hoo great expectations must make the upcoming law boards for Mr. Jefferson’s budding young ambulance-chasers seem like a hoot.

With Jerry Ratcliffe’s ‘Hire Tubby or else’ marching orders bouncing around his monitor and a screen saver of David Teel’s ‘Any fool ought to be able to get a good coach for this job,’ Craig dutifully did what he always does, went to Tubby. Once again, Craig seems to have been Tubby’d. The object of Craig’s affection recently announced that he would remain at Minnesota. Tubby’s declaration sounded a lot like the one he last issued, when he claimed that he would remain at Kentucky a few days before he hauled bluegrass for the Great White North. Maybe there’s still hope, Craig.

Plan B seems to be Jeff Capel. The Oklahoma coach is a proven winner and hails from the neighborhood. He has set a pretty good standard with the Sooners and next year will be expected to maintain it without the one-and-done Blake Griffin. Some claim that Capel is ready to head back east. Arguments center on his weariness coaching at a football school and a desire to work win in something other than the shadows of a goal post. griffinWell, if algroh has proven anything in eight years, it is that Hoo U is not a football school.

Craig could very likely easily find a taker in Lynchburg, where Liberty coach Ritchie McKay will be having to deal with the escape transfer of his star player Seth Curry. The younger of the Curry boys announced yesterday that Liberty Mountain was not quite high enough a peak for him to showcase his basketball talents. He desired to compete on a bigger stage in a larger conference, one that McKay claimed ‘began with an A’ and ‘ended with a ‘C.’ That certainly narrows it down.

Upon hearing this reported on my evening local news, I immediately lunged for my computer. I was quite surprised when Google quickly informed me there was a message board devoted to Liberty sports. I was also quite astounded to discover that Jerry’s kids counted among their flock message board loons the equal of those on any and every other message board. Imagine that.

I was transfixed reading posts by the Flaming Loons trashing young Seth and claiming the Liberty team would be better next year without him. They could have been written by the same Tech loons claiming that Tech will somehow be better in 2010 without the high-scoring AD Vassallo. The Flaming Loons proved no different than the loons anywhere else with their praising of their own coach McKay for showing ‘great integrity’ in the face of such obvious perfidy by some ACC coach. All message board loons, each and every one, claim their own guy is a paragon of virtue in a business dominated by sleazeballs. Nothing new there.

There were some Flaming Loons claiming that the perpetrator of this grand tampering was Seth Greenberg. Obviously, they had not been chatting with Sonya Curry. A quick glance at a Tech board revealed people already working out a guard rotation of young Seth, Delaney and Momo Jones [Whoops!]. They hadn’t been chatting with Sonya, either. Perhaps Seth Curry will end up at Tech, but it would seem to hinge on a reconcilliation between Sonya and the coaching Seth akin to one never managed between Arabs and Israelis.

Finally, the grandest humor to be found involved, as it often does, the East Carolina Strawgraspers. As is usually the case, the Strawgraspers have little interest in the basketball tournaments, for good reason, and have already set their sights on football and the onset of the nineteenth year of waiting for that iminent invitation to the Li’l E. They have time on their hands.

In one of the finest examples of strawgrasping ever shown by the Strawgraspers, what ECU AD Terry Holland refers to as their ‘BCS bowl’ against Virginia Tech has been designated Pirate Out. Shiver me timbers, but that sounds exciting! The Tech fans in attendance at dowdy Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium will no doubt be both amazed and doubled-over with side-splitting laughter at the sight of 35k Strawgraspers, all decked out in puffy shirts. The Li’l E will be dutifully impressed.

puffy200

3 Comments

  1. Jay — March 25, 2009 #

    Beware the Pirate Out – 416 Pirates already signed up!

    Reply

  2. Jim — March 25, 2009 #

    But I don’t want to be a Pirate!

    Reply

  3. Greg — March 26, 2009 #

    Puffy shirts? Seems more like a Hoo Out as opposed to a Pirate Out. Better hope the Great NFL Legend does not see this. He will immediately petition his great AD, Craig “Tubby I’m still Waiting” Littlepaige to clad the entire student body in puffy, fluffy shirts, ones that befit Mr. Jefferson’s hallowed grounds and fighting football team.

    Reply

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