Once again, it is time for the annual Hoo Spring Football Festivus.
A crowd of tens of tens is expected to pack the first couple of rows in Section 106 of the Smithsonian to witness the New and Improved Different Hoos of first-year coach Mike London. The latest Hoo coach said that since the traditional Orange vs. Blue matchup “hadn’t worked out so hot” in the past, this year’s Festivus would feature Orange vs. Blue vs. any other color in the spectrum. “Hopefully,” said London, “we can come up with one in which we can win, or at least not lose so badly.”
Hoo Athletic Director Craig ‘Uh-oh, Tubby, Tech is getting good at baseball, too’ Littlepage said that, as usual, there would be numerous activities designed to divert fans’ attention from the field. Interactive games will include a passing competition designed to assist London in his desperate attempts to find a quarterback, uniform-painting and a thorough spring cleaning of the Smithsonian to remove all vestiges of the algroh regime. Spectator sports will feature the First Annual Hoo Rodeo as Wally Wahoo attempts to break his record of staying on his horse Losing Streak for longer than ten seconds.
Admission is free, although fans will be asked to contribute to the Hoo Coaching Buyout Fund.