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2010
10
Apr

A-Line Extra: Another Festivus Miracle

Once again, it is time for the annual Hoo Spring Football Festivus.

A crowd of tens of tens is expected to pack the first couple of rows in Section 106 of the Smithsonian to witness the New and Improved Different Hoos of first-year coach Mike London. The latest Hoo coach said that since the traditional Orange vs. Blue matchup “hadn’t worked out so hot” in the past, this year’s Festivus would feature Orange vs. Blue vs. any other color in the spectrum. “Hopefully,” said London, “we can come up with one in which we can win, or at least not lose so badly.”

Hoo Athletic Director Craig ‘Uh-oh, Tubby, Tech is getting good at baseball, too’ Littlepage said that, as usual, there would be numerous activities designed to divert fans’ attention from the field. Interactive games will include a passing competition designed to assist London in his desperate attempts to find a quarterback, uniform-painting and a thorough spring cleaning of the Smithsonian to remove all vestiges of the algroh regime. Spectator sports will feature the First Annual Hoo Rodeo as Wally Wahoo attempts to break his record of staying on his horse Losing Streak for longer than ten seconds.

Admission is free, although fans will be asked to contribute to the Hoo Coaching Buyout Fund.

6 Comments

  1. Jack Lester — April 10, 2010 #

    LMAO.  I can hear WHoos reading that and saying.. ‘And?” : )

    Reply

  2. BobLee — April 10, 2010 #

    “….. but fans will be asked to contribute to the Hoo Coaching Buyout Fund.”
    Not a sledgehammer zinger …. but a classic straight razor slice across the jugular.  Kudos to HokieJim.
    (No, Its not as great as my “…. with a Vardon overlap grip” but still very very good.)
    BL

    Reply

    Jim Reply:

    You have made me break my vow not to read or watch anything this week that had to do with black/Thai golfers/adulterers.

    Reply

  3. Jay — April 10, 2010 #

    Lit·tle·page

    [lit-l-peyj] – verb  (used with object), littlepaged, littlepaging.

    1. to offer an new coaching contract with substantial raise over an excessively long period following one slightly above average season. 

    2. to request large donations from wealthy alumni to buyout long term coaching contracts.

    Reply

  4. Randy Barnhart — April 12, 2010 #

    Beautiful!  That last line was worth the annual subscription price!  😉

    Reply

  5. Jim Schillinger — April 19, 2010 #

    Jim,
     
    This is off topic from your current A-Line topic, but can you comment on the Big Ten expansion?  They must know something I don’t know, but eyeing the Big East leftovers that the ACC left, does not seem like a wise move.  I just don’t see cable systems telling subscribers who are Pro fans, here an extra $2 a month for teams you don’t care about and are in the midwest, 500 miles away!  Do you think the Big 10 is just trying to scare Norte Dame into joining?
     

    Reply

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